What Do You Do When Someone Leaves a Mean Comment on Your Hub?
76When somebody leaves a comment on our hubs, we value and appreciate it. But what do you do when someone leaves a mean comment on your hub? I would like to thank Glassvisage for making this request to me which brought about deep and meaningful reflections regarding this topic.
I recognize that there is no “right or wrong” response given the fact that we all feel different emotions related to a particular situation or event based on our current perspective of things. This is where respect must come in. Emotions that emerge from a certain stimulus are valid. We cannot keep ourselves from feeling hurt, disappointed, frustrated or angry.
After acknowledging our emotions, the question remains, “what do you intend to do with it?” Now here is where people’s responses vary. Also, this is where we tend to judge whether it is an appropriate or suitable response making it more complicated.
If we observe ourselves closely, what kind of mode do we usually take when something negative happens?
The Attack Mode
When agitated or distressed, some people tend to switch on their defenses and wear their toughest shield. Feeling vulnerable or frightened of being hurt (and for other reasons), we see the ATTACK MODE coming to life.
Unbending and stern, they face people with a stance that clearly says, “Are you challenging me? Let’s fight!” and they are ever ready to go into a battle “Hiyaaaaaaa! Charge!!!!”
Or what do you mean you are right? I’m the one who is right!
THE FLIGHT MODE
Feeling anxious or timid inside, some people tend to switch to FLIGHT MODE in dealing with negative situations. They feel shaky and unconfident and they would rather run and hide than face whatever it is that is out there. “I’m no good. See, people do not like me at all. I was right all along. Nobody can really love me for who I am.” And they scamper away with apprehension in their hearts.
For some, they just do not want to bother with all this crazy, meany stuff and leave!
THE I- DONT- CARE- MODE
The "I don't care" mode is putting a seemingly uncaring demeanor for the world to see. I don't give a damn about your opinion. I don't care if you agree with me. I don't care just leave me alone!
But maybe deep down inside you do care. You just don't want people to see it.
Others put on a haughty exterior while others wear a bored expression.
The I don't care mode makes you feel safe.
THE CALM MODE
There are also people who remain tranquil, composed and unruffled amidst negativity. They switch to CALM MODE and become still long enough to respond in a positive way.
Does this mean these people no longer feel any negative emotions? Of course they do! They may feel an initial negative emotion erupting from a negative situation but they choose to process it first and respond calmly after.
Because they are calm they can be objective and rational. They can be peaceful amidst it all.
What Mode Do You Often Use?
See results without votingI’ve been with Hubpages for two years now and I have been a witness to friendship and camaraderie as well as to fights, arguments and debates. There are people who like to stir up things and would intentionally leave mean comments on people’s hubs. Others would have differing opinions and would frankly state their thoughts bluntly.
On sticks and stones...
ON BEING POSITIVE
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MEAN COMMENTS vs. DISAGREEING COMMENTS
Mean comments left on people’s hubs give off negative energy. Nasty, unkind, unpleasant attacks on the writer herself/himself as a person should not be tolerated. You have the right to delete this kind of comments and report it immediately to the Hubpages Team.
Disagreeing comments on the other hand are another thing. If the person disagrees with your opinion, would you constitute that as mean? Again, it all depends on your perspective.
Suiiki says: I usually leave the comment there and calmly defend my opinion with what facts I know. It drives the mean commenter insane, and at the same time, it stops me from getting into a bad mood. I figure if someone disagrees with me they can tell me nicely, because I certainly try not to be rude in any of my own comments or in my hubs. And if they don't tell me nicely, I am unlikely to change my opinion! (I'm not perfect and sometimes I do get bitten by the sarcasm bug, though!)
Emohealer shares her perspective: I allow others to disagree, without argument on my hubs. Is it personal or about the material? If someone is attacking me personally and being mean they are deleted and reported. If it is about the hub, I always acknowledge the right to their opinion and sometimes recommend they write a hub representing their differing viewpoint. The main place I received these type of comments was when I wrote about Jesus, this is one of the subjects that can become very controversial. Even though some of the comments did not agree with what I wrote, I allowed them to stay as I do not believe it took away from what I wrote, only gave others more to think about.
cr8ve1 wrote: “I’m evil sis, remember? I go to my DARKNESS and WRITE ABOUT THEM! LOL But that’s just me! Of course, I also tend to scold them before I write, just to get it off my chest, then delete them or report them.”
I laughed when I read this one because sometimes I confess when someone is mean, I would stick my tongue out in front of the computer and say aloud,” You are a meanie and I don’t like you!”
Hey, this reminded me of my hub, Affirmations, I am Special, You are Special, an anonymous person commented: Ah! I saw the video! Frankly, I am happy that I am not special, because the two people who appeared in the video are really special; they seem to have got their nuts loosened! Too artificial people are really special. They seem to be half-mad. Well! 2 half-mad people can make others at least feel ordinary and normal - and that's more comforting than feeling special!
I confess when I read this I laughed so hard. But I reflected that previously I would have really felt awful with that comment. To be called mad is nuts! Ouchy ouch! To read my reply, CLICK THIS LINK.
You may have a different and interesting way of responding to mean comments, do share them in the comment box below.
Thank you dear readers for all the comments you have left in my hubs. They have enriched, inspired, and encouraged me and made me smile and laugh and even stuck my tongue out (once in a while) when you were not looking. Hahahahaha
By: Michelle Simtoco
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Hey Big Bro, I like that proverb. Thank you for sharing that here. :) Say no viciousness! Yes to kindness!
Should I leave a mean comment? Did you read the book, Michelle? And thanks David for leading me here ;)
My reaction is always in a calm manner. When someone is angry, no point of arguing as this will make matter worst so just let things cool down.
Very well done Michelle.LOL I'm glad you finally finished this long overdue hub -- with flying colors at that! Your child-like nature still comes out and is still endearing and makes this whole hub feel soo good and that tiny duck says it all LOL. Hugs:) Thumbs up!
Thanks ripplemaker. Sometimes comments can make ripples. What if you read a hub that is genuinely racist or putting one group of people down. Do you leave it without comment? Ummm?
And sometimes you need to see past the reactiveness of a comment and read it again later... as some say, any comment is a good comment as you got their attention and their mind working (within the context of discussion, not personal abuse.)
Some write to create reaction to.. although, Ive found in here that that doesnt seem to be the case. Most people are very supportive of each others writing. If I see a hub that I just dont like, I generally just dont comment and comment on the ones I do..
So much news today is spun. One statement to create a reaction in a polarized style. I find writing here refreshing as people write about what they love or care about, so it doesnt seem to need that technique to get attention.
Thanks
Good response to Glassvisage's request. When I traveled to visit my sister during the Holidays, I came across a very rude ticket agent in Texas, she gave me a sort of scolding because I did not speak up quickly enough, (I was waiting for her to give me eye contact as she was working on the computer) and I explained I was hearing impaired and needed a cue as to when I could speak, and she was still rude. I admit I was sorta stunned, but what could I do? After she rudely gave me the answer to my question, I looked at her directly and said "thank you very much" with a very calm voice, and she softned and wished me a Happy New Year. A man with a child was speechless in seeing her rudeness. Sometimes, no response is the best we can do, it does not make one a doormat as I can be very blunt, but, thinking before reacting is always advisable or else its just a venting or dumping on others.
If I were to get a nasty comment anywhere, or a personal attack, I would simply delete it, its my right. A difference of opinion is okay, we all are entitled to our perceptions.
Thumbs up!
Salt: Read your comments; I came across such a hub a while back putting down all Mexicans, it was awful. Being of Latin origin (and even if I was not) I found it ignorant. I left a comment, but was not rude, and I saw several other hubbers do the same, and yet others were very angry. The hubber made an apology and unpublished the hub.
I think you've covered all the responses Michelle! It's so easy to feel upset because very often, each hub is like our own little baby that we're so proud of. And yet, detachment should be the order of the day because finally, the only one it affects is us. I guess most of us experience the various modes at various times!
If the comment is really mean, then I calmly delete it! Actually with big pleasure.
I recently had case when one colleague left me - 6-7 very long comments of disagreement with my attitudes on one Hub. Comments were full of additional questions, links, suggestions, criticizing...and each of her comments was long enough to be a Hub. That was really mean.
Well, I am not always angel, so I answered on her comments by writting new Hub, in which I sticked even harder to my opinions. Her attack continued: again bunch of comments on Hub, mainly without connection with topic of my Hub. Then I started to delete her comments and told her to correct her inapropriate behaviour. But, actually I am grateful to her, because she provoked me to write the Hub about climate change.
Comments of disagreements are OK, everybody has right to think on different way. For the mean or rude ones - deleting them is the best way.
Great Hub, Michelle.
I don't think any one of us here at HubPages is safe from being attacked or being recipients of mean comments, including me. Thank goodness, I've only received one and it wasn't someone here at HP but someone outside our building (lol) that I wasn't able to contact (no email, link, etc.) I just clicked DENY and that was that. He/she didn't come back, so I was happy about it.
Somewhere in the middle of that are people who leave you links outside of HP that have absolutely nothing to do with your hub or is pornographic. I consider that to be rude as well (and some of those are malicious links too).
I think that all of us here can learn from this hub, so with that said, thank you as always, Michelle. I hope everyone gets the opportunityu to come over and read this.
Dohn
Misha: You are not a meanie, this I know. Hahahaha What book? You mean the Bible? LOL
Amulets: Wow, always calm huh? That's great!
Dayzeebee: I love the duck too. So fiery and cute! :)
Michelle,
Great pictorial! I really enjoyed the break down of our diverse automatic response systems and how we can choose to utilize different ones once we are aware of their existence. I suppose there is no need for me to express my opinion as I already did while you were grappling with the difficulties of the sensitive subject matter. Thanks for sharing my input here. BDazzler, what an awesome opening comment...A well done, helpful informative hub...Thanks!
After reading the title I would say:
forgive, and tell it to offensive person.
It is not nice to leave a nasty comment for someone. If there is something that you don't like being said you should graciously bow out. I get hurtful comments and I sometimes, back off until another time. If you get offensive back it may very well lead into a word fight.
Barbara
Very good breakdown. Thx, Thumbs up
Salt: I agree. Thought provoking questions or comments can create ripples, or it can inspire or move one to action. But I cringe inwardly when I read hurtful words. It makes me wonder what happen that they have reached the point of hate. I remember what it was like to hurt inside and I lashed out too. Maybe sometimes only in the mind. But as I healed within, the less reactive I have been. I see that it still is a matter of choice on what mode we want to use at a certain time. Thanks for your sharing and for your questions. :)
The worst thing someone can do against a virtual troll attack is to remain calm and answer politely, this drive them crazy because gives no room for further attacks. And if they go on there is always the delete button. Another thing that helps is keeping in mind that it's the one who attack that has issues, not the defender. And this goes for unchecked aggressions.
On the other side a different point of view should be regarded as a help, because it can be a sound advice and a good intelligent discussion is always enriching and can make our personal opinions either stronger or it can smooth them. Each one of us has his own personal opinion and they can't be all the same. A good debate is also good for traffic. :)
Great hub addressing an important concept.
Another great hub thank you. I agree with hypnodude about the attacker. Their is an old Indian saying who ever raises their voice is the liar!
Respect is required when leaving a comment. I've received a few "mean" and "negative" comments, and have received many supportive and positive ones too. I have learned that the power is at the touch of my finger -- Accept, Deny, Report and/or Comment. However, keeping calm and coming up with a win-win solution is the best. Thanks Michelle!
VioletSun: Marie, I thank you for sharing your experience. I've witnessed and even been recipient to some rude people like your ticket agent. I recall moments when I would also fight back just as I recall moments when I was calm and cool. I discovered that responding in a positive way can turn events around. This is what is amazing. :)
Shalini: You are so right about our hubs being our "baby" and how at one time or the other, we find ourselves responding in various modes. Thanks for commenting. :)
Tatjana, I was smiling at your words..deleting with pleasure. LOL I love your honesty and being down to earth in handling situations like this. Yes, the more a person forces their issue on us, the more we tend to withdraw. In the end, you still saw something positive in this otherwise challenging situation. I honor you for that :)
Dohn: Yes, thank goodness I don't get such mean comments too otherwise it would really be draining. Thanks for relating your experience. Blessings! ")
Emohealer: Sue! Thank you for allowing me to write your opinion here. I decided to share it as it is rather than restate this thought for you have explain it so well. :) You are an angel! Hugs...
Vladimir: Forgiving is good! :)
Barbara: Yes, it can lead to a fight..that too I would like to avoid. :)
fishkinfreak: Thanks for the thumbs up!
Hypnodude: Thank you for sharing your opinion. You addressed both sides of the issue and so one can easily choose which path to take.
Bearclawmedia: I'm curious..what instances do you find yourself raising your voice??? Thanks for dropping by.
Beth: Happy new year to you :) I like that..the power is in our fingertips. Cool!
There can be disagreement, but not meanness. Best to just ignore, delete and not let it discourage us from what we enjoy doing here in HP. As a writer, i'm sensitive, and i know not everyone will be a fan. We go where we are celebrated, which works for me. Thanks for a very nice enlightening hub.
I've learned over the years to wait a few moments or a day before responding to mean or nasty online communications. This gives me time to calm down so that my response isn't a reaction to the negative energy of the comment.
I recently wrote what has turned out to be a rather controversial hub on the movie Avatar. I've received lots of comments with a variety of points of view, many of which differ from my own. I don't mind these and am happy to approve them. But I had to decline to post one comment which I found to be insulting to a particular group of people. I'm also thinking about deleting a recent comment that flamed me as well as my response to it, which I made without giving myself a chance to calm down before responding.
Thanks for this well-written hub!
Ianswer back and state my point of view - politely. If it meaninglees, like I had the other day, or really disgusting I also delete it. Thank you for raising this interesting point.
Michael O'Brien of Boston, Massachusetts, or that is the name he went by anyway, left ten very personally critical messages on my hubs today. The odd thing is he read each one and then came up with a real nasty remark. After awhile I realized he must be a little off himself because people do not usually do that. Well, I did receive some hate emails over the Christmas holiday telling me I was not a true American because of my political opinions. Pgrundy actually left Hubpages because she got tired of all the hate mail and rude comments, which can happen anyway on the net, but she had just had enough. Rude comments are never fun, but you are right being calm makes it easier to deal with these. Usually I just delete the really nasty ones and report it as spam.
Sweetiepie: Pam (PGrundy) left hubpages?!!! I have been thinking of her for the past few days as we both joined around the same time, and was concerned about her. Oh, gosh, that is a shame as I really like her, and she is an outstanding, prolific writer. Will drop her a note.
Pam is actually still writing a blog, and I can send you the link if you like. She is also planning to publish articles, and books I believe, so she is busy with that.
Luckily for me, I haven't received any nasty, personal attacks. Arguments / disagreements on what I wrote, yes, but personal attacks no. When I do, I'll just delete. And then I'll rant to my husband offline. I'm serious :).
Sweetipie: Yes, do send me the link to her blog, thanks! I sent her a short email. Boy, I am always the last to know about things. :)
Island Voice: Yes, it can sometimes discourage us. And there are wonderful hubbers who shell out their support too. Go where you are celebrated..that is also another positive concept to ponder upon. Thanks!
PWalker: Now you made me curious what all these comments are. I watched AVATAR and enjoyed it. Waiting for us to calm down before responding is a great idea! :)
Hello, Hello: Polite is wonderful! :)
SweetiePie: It takes a brave soul to speak one's views. Religion and the politics seem to pave the way for conflict and nasty comments esp. when opinions vary and personal preferences are so varied and sometimes to the extreme. I honor you for sticking to your points of view and not letting it get in the way of your passion for arts and writing. Thanks for sharing such inputs.
VioletSun: Since this is the only time I know that pgrundy has left Hubpages, don't you worry, you are not the last to know. LOL
Emievil: Me too. Except for that person above telling Daisy and me that we are nuts for doing a video about being special, it wasn't that nasty. LOL I have Daisy to rant if I do get nasty comments. teehee thanks for dropping by. :)
I have to say that it's quite obvious (I know it's not the right word but I'm not able to find a better one, sorry) that you do what you preach ripplemaker, that is going for the calm approach. Really, it's so relaxing reading your comments. Extremely nice. I'm very pleased to follow you. Thanks.
hypnodude: Most of the time I create gentle ripples but there are moments I create waves too. Watch out for those! Hahahaha I felt joy in reading your words and it encourages me to be a better person more and more. Your sincerity is much appreciated. :)
Thank you for this fine Hub that I found helpful. I received an obscene comment just the other day, which I simply deleted. Not sure why some people find it necessary to be ignorant. Peace, blessings & encouragement to you.
Ken: Glad you found this helpful. Deleting an obscene comment was a great decision I believe than fighting with the person. Peace and blessings to you too. Encouragement most welcome :)
Thank you, Michelle, for this wonderful Hub! It addresses the topic perfectly. I like how you mentioned each of the ways that a person tends to react to these kinds of commends... I tend to get a little flighty, but as PWalker has learned, it's best to give a little time before responding to the REALLY nasty comments. SweetiePie... YOU not a true American? It's comments like that that remind me that they aren't really talking about you, they're talking about a virtual version that they don't really know when they insult you, so it doesn't have to be taken personally :)
Glassvisage: Thank you for making this request. I was wondering why you asked it from me. And I was telling Daisy I wonder how I will write this hub when I haven't really received nasty comments. And then out of the blue, I got a nasty email! Talk about drawing in to your experience what you don't want! LOL But it made me reflect and ponder and finally inspiration hit me. Thank you again and have a wondrous new year. :)
Great hub.I certainly wish I had different diplomacy. Sometimes words don't come out of my fingers or mouth the way I'd like. Thanks
It is one of very practical issue that you raised in your hub. Good job that you made people have a great discussion on it. Your hub gave us opportunity to talk and to tell their opinion on this topic; side-by-side we got to know various ways of how to deal such situation.
What a beautifully well-written hub ripplemaker, filled with sound advice. Loved the clever photos too! I'm kinda new here and haven't received any attacks (yet), but I believe the best way to diffuse an attacker is to just "remain calm", thank them for "sharing" and acknowledge that HubPages allows writers to express themselves within certain guidelines that you (not they) have met. Then report the bastards.
Hmmm, now what would you know about this? I don't think there is anyone capable of leaving you a mean comment. Now Misha is another story. hehe
This subject brought to mind about a 3-4 year old girl (sitting in a grocery cart)in the grocery store recently looked at me as I was reaching for an item on the shelf, very loud and confidedntly she said 'I don't like you'. I immediately looked around to see if perhaps I blocked her view of the candy, haha.
I was curious as to why she felt that way so repeated to her 'you don't like me?' I like you! She said again she didn't like me that she liked someone else. I explained to her that it was ok to like more than just one person that we can like many people. She was really listening and by this time trying to hold back a smile and perhaps would have gotten one if her mother wasn't in the background repeating over and over 'just ignore her, she is so fresh'.
This little innocent child is an example of one who will grow up and continue leaving mean comments whereever she goes until many right role models show up so she can 'see' the errors of her way.
Very important subject Michelle, nice job covering it!
Good hub, Ripplemaker. Now on the positive vibe....:)
This is a great Hub Michelle and timely for me, as I haven't written for a long time now (one reason stemming from fear of those that verbally condemn, oh, and along with some life choice issues that kept interfering).
Nice to see a Hub involving several Hubbers joining 'forces', courteously of course, against meanies. What a positive, powerful way of taking a stance together as writers against anyone who uses the 'it's my way or the highway' thinking. I love the tongue thing and I'm going to try that because I wasn't one of the majority in the Calm Mode choice!
A deranged man threw a stone at an old man and his grandson one day. The stone nearly hit the pair, The child asked the old man why he did not pick up the fist size stone and throw it back. The man replied, "It is his stone, why should I bother to pick it up?" and calmly continued on their way.
Interesting hub, Michelle.
Cheers!
Great Hub on a very interesting topic!
What I find is that there are many levels of honesty, reaction or response here on hub pages. Mainly I have had great communications here both on my own hubs and commenting on hubs of others. I feel this is quite some community. This is a great place to air your views and learn from others and teach others if we all remain responsive.
When you find someone is over reacting, exagerating and not even reading either your hubs or your comments properly then you know that one of their "buttons" has been pressed - its a total giveaway. Also writing comments about you after deleting your comments and insisting that you were the one behaving badly but not allowing others to see these so called "bad" comments is the worse thing I have seen so far and so dishonest and this happened recently from someone calling themselves a Healer!!! I see and feel their same inflamed 'button' from their most recent comment here.
If there is a re-action then it is coming from the past, either from blocked ideas,memories etc. If there is response then it is in the now moment.
Namaste, Linda at UNIVERSAL LAWS
Micky Dee: What refreshing honesty. It does make us wonder why our mouth or hands seem to have a mind of its own? LOL
Bhawna Sharma: I agree with you totally. This hub has been enriched and validated (would that be a right word to use?) as you and many hubbers share their experiences and thoughts on this topic. If it helps someone in some way, it makes me really happy. Thanks!
Green Lotus: You made me chuckle with your comment. I could picture it, you smiling with gritting teeth and when the culprit is not looking wham! Be careful with this girl Hahahaha Glad you didn't receive any mean comments (yet!). :)
Ralwus: Awww you are such a dear! If somebody does become really mean and nasty, I can run to you for protection right? As for Misha??? LOL
Dottie: Sis! I loved your story. The little girl really did that?! Woh! Yes, you are right, it would be the perfect time to "process" her so she doesn't grow up to be a meanie. Having role models would be ideal too. Well one thing for sure is I like you! Hugs and all the best for the new year! :)
Raven: Thanks for the positive vibes...:) Blessings!
Cathy: Welcome back! Hope this eases back a bit of that fear and allow you to write more. As there are those who can dish out hurtful things there are also many hubbers who are very supportive and positive. Here's to many of the latter and none of the former. And if there are, you already know what to do. Take care...:)
MercuryNewsOnline: Amazing story of calmness! And that young boy is seeing a calm man in action and will follow his footsteps too. Many thanks for sharing this. :)
Universal laws: Namaste Linda! When the wrong button gets hit, we do tend to flare up, do we? Understanding this helps us respond better when others button have been pressed wrongly somehow, someway. Your thoughts and sharing is appreciated and valued. Keep on enjoying the communication we have right here on Hubpages. It is a beautiful way to learn indeed. :)
Comos taca ripplemaker,
Very interesting question, I am blessed no mean or rude comment yet from hubbers. However, at least once a week I get very rude or even vulgar comments from some unverified person. I asked that person who is he or she & what they want from me but the person never answered my questions.
I did some research & find out all these comments generated from India. I always flag them as spam & delete it forever but the person or persons keep on leaving comments again.
I suspect this is someone from hub pages & that person is leaving these comments as an unverified person. I do not care anymore because I guess I am getting immune to it now.
However, I welcome constructive criticism from hubbers because it is good as long as it is not criticism without any base. Thanks to Glassvisage for asking this question & I am also thankful to you for answering it in detail with references & perspective from other hubbers. Now I feel more confident if someone leaves me that kind of comments.
Mr. Nice: Thanks for sharing your thoughts on the matter. :)
Hi, I dont feel its ever the "wrong" button that is pressed or that a button is pressed "wrongly".
If you have a big red button it is already and waiting and becomes inflamed when a topic comes up that brings the matter into the open. Its really a good opportunity to realise that a "button" is there which is a sign of a pressure point of undealt with blocks, feelings, emotions or belief systems. No buttons then no re-actions from blocks etc just response in the moment - we may still disagree with anothers point of view but will not do this with re-action which is fierce, unconscious, angry or illusory. We are not responsible for the buttons of others only are own.
The two times I have had very re-actionary comments were when the persons had very strong belief systems where they were not willing to allow anyone to offer comments unless they were being agreed with. A bit of guru-itis. I love debate where each are able to allow information without feeling threatened and new energy and new inspiration always comes out of it.
Namaste
Linda at UNIVERSAL LAWS
Linda, sorry if I didn't get that correctly. Let me understand this more. So the word "button" is used only when a person has blocks (& etc)? So if we have a big red button, do we also have other buttons like green or blue button hmmm maybe for calmness? Sorry for being dumb about it. May you explain more about this buttons? I'm not very familiar with it. Thanks!
Great hub "RM"! Can we make this required reading? :)
If I don't agree or am offended, I just back out of the hub. I see it as very sad when the quality of the comments (or the hub for that matter) degrades the standards that the HP team has put in place. Fiesty is one thing, mean spirited is quite another. Thanks for taking the time to lay out a thought provoking hub in such a great way.
You covered everything very well Michelle. I love the way you wrote this. I also like the images that you used.
Thank God I haven't received any mean comments yet. If that ever happens, I will just probably delete the whole thing.
Thanks for the great hub ripplemaker,
In most cases, I would leave those types of remarks. Rude and hateful comments leave their own special message within. Or to quote George Costanza (after he left stupid messages on an answering machine) “The light is blinking: "Come and listen to the idiot!... The idiot's on!"
Wow, so many comments! Seems you have touched a nerve here. I hope that I don't get a mean comment...don't know what I would do. Hopefully be the better person. Thanks for sharing and giving me somewhere to turn if I do get a mean comment.
Jeremy
the rope: required reading, wow, wouldn't that be something?! Thanks for your thoughts. I appreciate it. :)
jill: Thanks jill. Yes, mean comments can be draining to the spirit. I'm glad you are spared from those. :)
gf899: That is another way of viewing it. :) LOL
cojaqmarketing: Touched a nerve or a button teehee hopefully the right nerve or button (if there is such a thing.) Yes, I hope you don't get mean comments too. Take care Jeremy and have fun on Hubpages. :)
michelle
This is very insightful. I'd have to bookmark this just in case I get a mean comment. Suffice to say, I've never had one. I guess my hubs are not that controversial nor divisive.
Thats kinda funny, I imagine we can call these "buttons" any colour we want but when counselling its a good expression because red is warning, also base centre, anger, stop etc. so it helps to explain things to a client when they begin to relate to their own "Big red buttons" which get them into trouble with reactionary behaviour. Its a counselling speak to help people not play the blame game when they are the ones that are angry and reacting.
Just a way of looking at why people over react when someone puts a comment that they dont agree with. I would say its always ok to disagree but its never ok to over react with exageration, anger, illusory and dishonest answers.
Namaste
Linda at UNIVERSAL LAWS
cool I clicked and found I was in the majority of calm. although, now I'l probably get into a road rage thing later this week, if not sooner. take my keys.
CrisA: Happy new year Cris. Oh I know you would know how to handle mean comments if you ever get one. :)
Linda: Thank you for coming back to explain to me. I was waiting for you. And I am glad you found it funny. Do you know I also found myself laughing after writing my question? LOL Yes, I do see and understand the part about the blame game and reacting and all. I got that. Thank you for your patience and taking the time and effort to explain. Namaste. :)
ocbill: I'm taking the keys... LOL
I have only had one on my fairy tattoo calling me a sleazy old man but hey I guess I am lol, I didn't even bother to delete it, there are more important things in the world, nice hub oh ripply one ; )
Treat rotten comments with the contempt that they deserve. As we all know, knocking 'copy' always rebounds upon the person saying it - particularly when the person 'hurt' refuses to drop down to the same level.
That said, whenever I come across something hurtful and mean I think of Heinrich Heine's comment about someone he knew and clearly did not regard highly. He said of him (an absolutely wonderful and classic quote!!!):
'Ordinarily, he was insane, but he had lucid moments when he was merely stupid'.
It probably could be thought (but maybe not said) of the person being mean to you...
When a person leaves a mean response to something they have read on hubs, you need to consider they may not be open for all types of questions & answers or you may have hit a sore spot. I would not be deeply concerned with this issue " you cant please all the people all the time" Everyone does not comprehend all readings the same. I feel if you do not like it don't read it. Some will love what they have read some are offended due to unresolved issues of their own, some will not. Its easy. Sometimes people are also envious of others and that is in every facet of life. I would not take it to heart , just chalk it up . One thing for sure is that you did receive response to your writings good or bad. Not to worry or let it keep you up at night its all a part of being a writer. Keep up your good work and take no affect from unjustified readers.Good luck to us all.
Respectfully
Patricia
Excellent response to the question ripplemaker. It's well thought of and very organized.
When someone is being mean, we just need to sit back and think for a while. Often the pause would calm us down and enough to come up with an appropriate response (or no response).
Thanks for this great hub.
Regards, Papa Sez
TattoGuy: Thanks for dropping by and leaving...a...nice...comment! You right there are more important things out there! :)
Nicks: What a quote! Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
Patricia: I agree we can't please everyone and best to focus on what you love best. Thanks for taking the time to drop by and leave a comment.
Papa Sez: Yes..that is the question that plagues us to respond or not to respond LOL Regards to you and happy new year! :)
Thanks. I confess I am often negative to criticism, but it it constructive there's nothing more useful.
Fortunately I had never received a negative comment before. If I do receive one, I probably will give an argument to defend my hub.
Bella: Thanks for your honesty. :)
Iamcoolguy: Glad no negative comments for you before. :)
The Flight Mode may be more appropriately called "The Pligh t Mode"
Since most of my hubs are people actually celebrity oriented the response to them is not just varied but all colors of the rainbow. Even purple and blue enough to make a sailor blush.
Earlier I retained all the comments giving them the right to their opinion even if it was nasty bordering vulgar with graphic description of what they would love doing to whom and that was when I put my foot down as I realised that the celebrity on whom I wrote assumed that I agreed with they had to say else why would I not delete them?
However an emotional letter from a celebrity almost in tears reminding me that at the end of the day she too was someones daughter, sister, wife and maybe would be a mother in the near future so all said and done it did bother her deep down about what people felt about her simply because of her profession.
That left me stunned and after a serious rethink I decided matter of opinions were welcome even if in disagreement but getting personal was just not done and if I did not cater to my subjects respect and honor I had no business writing about them without being considered as party to the commenter.
Ofcourse a lot of nasty commentors take personal offense to see their gems of wisdom deleted and they would love to challenge me to a verbal duel.My answer to them is to stop wasting time energy and effort penning comments and write a hub and blog instead and only then shall I consider stooping to their level with no promise of sending then my comments.
That's it they provoke you even try and taunt you but seeing no response they slither away or the smart ones try to crawl back again with different names and identities write soft comments first and then burst the bubble with their acid pens..But that's Life...U cannot please everyone!!!
Nishanth Daniel: May you explain why you want it called "The Plight Mode" instead of "Flight Mode?" ")
The Lip: I thank you dearly for sharing this point. I know when a person is a public figure (like that of a celebrity) people think we "own" them somehow. And thus, some think it's okay to rate, judge, criticize them to pieces if the person "displeases" them and etc. My heart resonates with the fact that (as this celebrity wrote you) when the curtains are down and the lights are out they are as vulnerable as the next person. Thank you for choosing to delete the comments that attack a person and were getting too personal for comfort. Thank you very much. I honor you for that. Blessings to you sir. :)
People posting comments on hubs gives room for encouragement and improvement. The major problem is, some people are not very good at packaging words.
If I disagree with a statement I will pass my message across in a very mature manner.
No no no please to mean comments. :(
I thank you for such a wide range of answers. I'm sure I'll use some of these suggestions at least 3 or 4 times when writing these hubs.
Warm wishes,
Susan
No one likes unkind comments. I think we all would love to receive praises and rave reviews for our writing but the reality is there's always going to be someone who's opinion is harsh and unkind. Everyone's entitled to their opinion. I guess I would be a little hurt or defensive but I think I would just try and let it roll off my back.
My Digest: Yes, yes, yes. I agree with you wholeheartedly. :)
Susan: Thank you for your warm wishes and glad this could be of help. :)
lovelypaper: I agree. We would rather have someone say something nice. To let it roll off your back would be a great idea! :)Thanks for dropping by.
You're an idiot.
...Just kidding :) I'm always puzzled when I see people going around (not just on HubPages, on the internet in general) leaving hurtful and just plain ignorant comments. Is it really the best way for anyone to spend their time? Oh well, that's why I just chuckle and go on about my day. I'm sure you'd agree that the positive comments vastly outweigh the negative ones!
Anyway, great Hub!
Melissa
I grew up in a very small town in Texas. And let me tell you something, Honey. If I took it to heart every time someone said sommething bad or negative to me or about me I would still be crying. I haven't lived there since 1985. Just consider the source or think that when people are talking bad to you or about you they are giving some other poor soul a rest. Those kinds of people are never satisfied if they get "NO" reaction from you. The only fun is when you talk back. Keep in mind---No one can give you Bullsh-t unless you accept it.
Simply awesome! This is a great hub; I really like the way you kept it light and funny. There's some mean people online.:( Loved the pictures!
Before I started HP a friend once told me, "you are not a writer until someone strongly disagrees with you." Needless to say, I'm so glad she warned me :)
Certainly people will disagree on any given topic, and I don't think disagreeing constitutes being mean. But it can be done in a mean way, and sometimes it is. I was commenting on a hub by SweetiePie, "Hurty Feelings," that sometimes people simply do not have anything of substance to add in support of their opinion and tend to use other tactics to sort of blind you from that reality. It's easier to say "I could explain it to you, but you're simple crackpot birdbrain would never be able to figure it out, so why bother," than what's likely closer to the truth that the person making that comment probably doesn't know, himself, why he has the opinion he has. I actually get a kick out of those types. Most of them are just simply there looking for a fight. They want to incite the world. They are hopelessly bored people with no real direction or ability to comprehend details that ultimately shape opinions.
I say for the most part I try to ignore really mean ones. Deleting the mean comments here or in other places is not really my thing either. Unless it's something totally inappropriate and baseless, like calling my mother a name or something. Let the other commenters see the forest for the trees, when no one responds the mean commenter gets bored and looks for a new target. Even deleting can sometimes make the person think, "Ha. Got to you didn't I?"
Michelle as always you have written a nice little hub. As I am of the soft spoken variety I try not to get angry but unfortunately I am human. But I feel no one would ever accuse me of being a serial nasty commenter.But as you well know I think you rock ! I could definitely use a lesson in calm , but its not in my DNA. Good work again my Teacher
Hi Ripplemaker, this is a wonderful hub, with a lot of good positive comments.
Unfortunately there are some people who are just not nice, after all there are hubbers who write hubs because they have something to say, then theres others that leave mean comments because they just want to say something.
Melissa: You made me chuckle. :)
Dixie: Good for you!
Money Glitch: Light and funny, can't argue with that. :) So you've been warned. LOL
Springboard: That's another way of looking at this issue. Thanks for sharing. :)
Tony: Hahahaha Yes, I agree... you are not a serial nasty commenter. We all could do with calmness esp. when things become rough..even me. :) Thanks for your time Tony!
lumen2light: It's always a choice to say something nice or mean. I guess the choice can go either way huh? Thanks for being here.
Well sometimes something mean isn't meant as mean but just meant as food for thought. And when mean comments are posted on my hubs- hubs where I expect to read comments that are not in agreement with me and therefore feel mean- I intentionally do not respond. If the person feels this way, they have a right to express their opinion. I guess if it were off the subject and they attacked me personally, I might feel different about it. But I don't find these people commenting thus far.
Very interesting hub. I enjoyed reading the comments as well and everyone's reactions.
I am one who would probably rant and rave but have learned to do that on my own. I will write feverishly to deal with the anger and never hit the send button.
If given a choice I will delete it entirely or leave it out there for the world to see what type of individual this person really is. I guess it comes down to the type of comment.
What I have learned through my life experiences from dealing with my mother who is a very toxic person,also known as a narcissist. She has an uncanny way of sucking the life out of you and has a way of shocking you with such harsh remarks.
It takes too much energy to respond to something so negative. In my final opinion, it does not deserve a response. There is a lot of power in choosing to be silent.
Great job interesting topic,
Sage
Wow I love your beautiful attitude. If only more people thought like you. :)
Perfectly written and presented as always...and lots of sound advice! It's the 'tone' of a remark that decided it for me...if it's harsh and does not contribute anything to the discussion other than just to start an argument, I delete and move on! Sometimes, I end up personally emailing the sender, leaving a polite remark in my defense. But i try not to take things personally here... life's just not worth wasting over insulting comments! Thank you for such a great hub!
Storytellersrus, Sage Williams, Isabelle, myownworld: Thank you for sharing your thoughts giving us more glimpses of how people feel and react to mean comments. Your presence here is much appreciated as it enriches this hub. :)
Hi Sister :0) oxoxox
Many moons ago I learned a very valuable Lesson and that my dear friend was never enter an argument even if I think (Emphasis on the Words I Think LOL) I’m right. Because even if I’m we both have lost ,if you know what I mean...I have taken that approach to this day...Speaking of days, the other day, well many days ago :0) A very nasty Fellow, left Avery nasty note on my hub... As I know and love me old self very much...no pride involved here, just a fact, god makes no mistakes :0)
I laughed to myself and actually felt sorry and compassion for the small minded person who must hate life, because the man That Loves Deeply expands his boarders, friends , desires, ambition with wild passionate abandonment, as against the man with the One Talent who hates his life and his master is a small minded bitter man with many enemies, a rather sad soul who has lost his way, and as we bombard this lost soul with true Agape love he will eventually collapse under the weight and Crack a very big smile and tears and laugh and become the person he always wanted to be but was hurt so many times so that he hurt back.
In short Jesus came for the nasty dude with the false image and wants to release him into his likeness...
Wow, that was fun and I just wanted to say Hi Michelle, I love you,,, praise God and pass the love bullets…. LOL
Later Sis!!!
Mike :0)
Ps ..I thanked him for his comment :0)
Hi Mike!!! Welcome hugs...glad to hear from you and your sharing crack a very big smile from me. Love bullets? LOL I love the term too. Shoot some love bullets today. How's that? And what a wonderful thing to do..thanking the guy for his comments. We could learn a lot from your attitude. Later Bro!!! Blessings...
My first hub from you, Michelle! By the approach and theme I can tell you are a caring person! So those ripples of Joy are indeed around you. I always try to find a way to get the best out of every hub I read. Even If I disagree with the theme in question or proposal. I am respectful, polite and kind! It`s healthier!
Two ripples up!
Warm regards and blessings, kaibigan!
Salamat!
Al
Hi Al, that is the best way to go..respectful, polite and kind! I agree...it's healthier and you can sleep peacefully at night too! Warm regards...:)
The best way to deal with them is first to let them know hey have caused offence, and be specific. Give them a chance to respond and take action like an apology. If that doesnt work, either as again or delete the comment or tell the management! Life is too short, Michelle. It is nourishment we need, not punishment, or berating. It's why I tend to avoid the forums, as they get a wee bit icky in there. Like a bear pit. You have made a great hub here! And congrats on becomming an Elite Guard Hubber Extraordinaire! : )
Thank you Cheeky Girl for sharing your insights! You are absolutely right, life is too short for punishment and meanness. Say yes to nourishment. Avoiding the bear pit is a wise idea! :)
Ripple, I had some guy from outside of hubpages make a very nasty remark on a hub. Disagreement is good, I think, it shows there are other ways to look at things. But this guy kept coming back, eventually calling me (of all ridiculous things)Hitler. Well, I wanted to get nasty back, but we wound up having quite a conversation on the hub which actually became interesting after we left off the insults. After one of my arguments with the guy, I wrote 'have a nice day' and for some reason that struck me so funny. From now on, that's the tag phrase I'm going to use for nasty comments.
Hi Dolores, I sometimes love an argument too...ask Dayzeebee coz I love to argue with her. LOL You are right, it does make things interesting but only without the nastiness. Thanks for sharing your experience and I love the line....have a nice day! hahahahah
Mean people will often just stay mean and there's really no point in arguing with them. Like Cheeky Girl above I tend to avoid the forums because people there seem to take advantage of the "virtual" nature of the Web and become very personal and mean becuase it's easy and safe to do so. Maybe they are able to blow off their negativity in that way and I guess that can be good for them. But people do get hurt in the process and that is not good.
Disagreeing is a different matter and we should all be very open to that. If we all agreed about everything life would pretty soon become very dull and uninteresting. I like a good argument but I can't see that an argument needs to get personal and mean.
As for deleting comments, I have not ever deleted a comment unless it was a duplicated one. I think if people want to look like mean and nasty people that's their prerogative and so their comments can stay. That's my feeling. I don't want to shut anyone up. I can live with the mean comment because I know it says more about the person leaving it than it says about me.
Thanks for starting an interesting discussion.
Love and peace
Tony
Tony that was wonderfully said! Thank you for sharing your opinion. Blessings, love and peace to you. :)
Mean comments are not nice, don't put up with them and tell the perpetrator where to go.
And to a nice person like you? not on.
I usually begin in the attack mode, but I can usually mentally talk myself down to the calm mode. haha!
Katy, thanks for dropping by. :)
Helen, whew I think that is the same for me too. :)
A comment to me is someone's opinion and I respect it just as I do to the person behind it. Luckily, I haven't seen any in my hubs that will slight me. Comments I received are sympathetic and encouraging. If ever one nasty comment comes my way, I'll give time to weigh things in the calm mode. I'll put up high level of tolerance, anyway the other readers can have their own opinion later. This is fun!
Hi Lita, that sounds a great way to handle mean comments. Glad you didn't get any. :) Have fun!
Your hubs are always good, ripply pipply! LOL!
Very nice... Thanks for this :-)
Forget it and move on. They're not worth worrying about
Just deny and get on with your way of writing, we are all different and have our own opinions (and entitled to them). Some great ideas here though, well thought out.
Wondering around I came here again. It's really a great hub. Written by a great hubber. Thanks for your kind words, I couldn't lose such a good friend. :)
I usually in a calm mode ripple. I always deal with it and be positive about it, Thank you for this nice hub! Maita
Thanks everyone for sharing your thoughts about this subject. I like knowing your side of the issue! :D
Hypnodude, nice to see you! Hugs...
Maita, hello :)
MPG: Too true...
Katy: Yes...
De Greek: You are welcome!
Cheeky Girl: hhahahahahaha
If someone left a mean comment on my hubs I probably would not comment. I would just leave it unless it was really offensive. Like sometimes I get people who leave their phone number and say they like hot girls. I just delete trash like that and report it as spam. I was surprised to get comments like that. But then hubs come up on Google too I have noticed so you don't have to be a member of hubpages to read them.
My opinion is that mean people are not worth the time of day. I always answer a comment on my hubs so if one went unanswered that would be like saying the comment was not worthy.
Anyway, that was an interesting hub. Thanks.
I agree with Hummingbird, If it is mean, just leave it, its not worth worrying about. Other commenter's will see there comment and only make them look bad.
Dear Michelle ~ I just found this hub from 21 months ago that seemed to stir the fire in everyone. I didn't count, but it feels like 100 comments. Lately, a number of Hubpages around the topic of commenting, the importance of commenting, quality and also tutorials on 'how-to' comment.
A year ago I wrote a Hubpages on the topic of hate crimes, but never published it because of its controversial nature. However, I feel your succinct approach explaining the types of emotional responses very thought provoking.
I have learned to evaluate comments as if I am the editor of a newspaper or journal as my approach to dealing with unsuitable comments. I ask myself if each one comment will contribute some type of value to the article? I may question the motivation of the commenter, especially if they repeatedly write the same type of negativity or point of view. They have the option to write their own hub on the subject and not jam up my space with trash.
The options have been provided by the Hubpages administration to delete or delete permanently. Use it when necessary. I prefer not to provide them an outlet for vitriol and intentional wickedness.
Blessings, Debby
I will always approve comments.
I recently had this experience on one of my hubs - but it was a comment about what I wrote - not against me. I allowed the comment and really tried to be objective and fair. I even showed the person's link so that others, too, could judge for themselves. I agree with you and I also think it's about taking the high road. I really believe you'll gain respect as a writer and a person and even more credibility in admitting you're not the absolute know-it-all and that you're open minded. Bravo!
Hummingbird5356: Ignoring mean comments is the best way to go and not to personalize it. You do have a healthy perspective of yourself. Thanks for dropping by to comment. :)
timonweller: Yes that is true. Those who have the eyes to see will see what's the truth, that's for sure. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Debby Bruck: Gasp, you hit more or less the number. I checked the stats as of today there are 118 comments including mine I believe. Approaching it from a point of view of an editor and deleting things that are plain hateful is a great way to handle this! Thank you for extensively sharing your thoughts. Blessings to you too!
successfulblogger: Well this is another way of handling it. :)
cclitgirl: If it is a differing opinion then that's okay. If it's a hateful comment that is something else. You are right take the high road and about respecting differing opinions. Thanks!
It's hard when someone doesnt like your hub and comments just to disagree. I usually stay calm when someone makes a rude comment on anything but if they continue I start to boil. Lol
BDazzler 2 years ago
A gentle answer turns away wrath, and grievous words stir up anger ... Prov 15:1 ... I have one other rule, if someone: 1. Disrespects another hubber, or 2. leaves what I consider a deliberately blasphemous comment, I simply delete the comment.
If they are vicious to me, I let them be, and I try to respond kindly.
Great Hub lil sis!